So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
