I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
