Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize