she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
