she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
