The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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