It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
