if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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