i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
