You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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