Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
he high fived his dick after we had sex
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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