Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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