And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
