I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
