Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
