OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
