If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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