I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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