I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
