How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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