Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
