please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
