have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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