I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
