Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
