okay pat passed out under dana's car
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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