My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
