I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
