omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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