So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
