Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
