You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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