Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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