Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
