You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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