When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize