I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
