Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
