Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
