How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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