remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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