Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
