Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
