never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
