know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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