Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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