"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
