I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
