There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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