He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
