Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
