its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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