I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
