Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
