That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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