i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
