she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
