when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
