i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
