How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Are my feet made of real feet?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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