my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
