i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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