I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
