I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
