You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
