Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
