Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
