i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize