I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
