he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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