Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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