you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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