he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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