Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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