So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
