and my herpes radar will keep us safe
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
