shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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