i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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