I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
