dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
we're so committed to being not committed
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
