My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
