I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
