"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
