he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If I had your ass I would rule the world
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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