i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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