I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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