i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
