so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
