I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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