Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
