fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize