thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
