Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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