Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
