got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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