Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
