So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
