Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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