the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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