I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize