i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
