i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
