I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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