He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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