She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
